Hot (and Cheesy) Tip: Save Money and Pick a Designated Driver
Before we begin our review in earnest, a note about pricing. Take-out specials are proliferating in the industry right now and, unless cost is of no concern to you, you'd be foolish not to take advantage of them. The Papa John's new Pan Pizza reviewed yesterday arrived by way of a delivery driver because the closest Papa John's to The Food Kingdom studios was over 6 miles away and I didn't want to invest that amount of driving time nor allow the pizza that much time to cool off in transit. But we paid a hefty price for that convenience. The base price of that pizza, absent any special offers was $15.60, but the $3 delivery fee plus a $4 tip and tax brought the total to $23.75. Today's pie, Pizza Hut's classic pan with the special salted pretzel crust comes to less than half that amount, totalling $10.60 when taking advantage of their $10 take-out special. So we recommend calibrating your ordering time such that the pizza can be ready 15 minutes before kickoff and picking an intrepid driving volunteer to head out to any location within reasonable distance. Give 'em a few free beers (after they return!) or exempt them from paying altogether and you'll still come out way ahead cost-wise.
Take-Out Driver Duty: The Excitement and the Terror
Given that our $10 pizza would have cost us at least $7 more had we opted for delivery, I was brimming with satisfaction as I set out on the 1.5 mile drive to the local Hut. However, the glee of the discount soon faded as the logistical difficulties of arriving at the site at the precise moment that the pizza left the oven became apparent. Unless you want to take even more than 30 minutes out of your day and lounge in the waiting area tapping your foot and annoying the staff, you'll want to time things out so you arrive just as the pizza finishes cooking, certainly not later, but not excessively early. This would be simple but for the vagaries imposed by unpredictable traffic lights that can throw your arrival time off by as many as five minutes. This time, the trip there went off without a hitch, but the return trip saw me hitting every red light, each one robbing precious units of heat from the vulnerable pie, protected only by an uninsulated cardboard box. Counterpoint: unless you're a bit more relaxed than I am, you may enjoy paying a little extra to let the professionals give your pizza the best chance of arriving piping hot.
Shaking Things Up: Crust and Sauce Variations
Unless we order online, we may not always be aware of how much customization is available in these chain pizzas. In order to set up a contrast with Papa John's new pizza from yesterday, we decided to revisit Pizza Hut's classic pan pizza but also implement some changes. Pizza Hut actually offers five different sauces: Marinara (the default), Premium Crushed Tomato, Creamy Garlic Parmesan, Barbecue, and Buffalo -- and six crust types: "No Crust Flavor" (is that the default?), Hut Favorite, Toasted Parmesan, Salted Pretzel, Toasted Cheddar, and Garlic Buttery Blend. We figured we'd add some excitement with the "Premium Crushed Tomato", which seemed to promise some real tomato chunks or at least bits, and Salted Pretzel, which I hoped would make every bite of crust worth finishing on its own. I also attempted to get one half of the pizza spread with the crushed tomato and the other half with marinara so we could contrast the two, but this was a bit too much for the Hut and their response to our online request was to simply give us a big plastic cup of Marinara on the side.
Come Hungry, Finish Thirsty
Four paragraphs in, and it's time to taste the pizza. This could get a little repetitive, because every other word, overwhelming any other verdict, must be salt. This is some salty pizza, though it may be impossible to say exactly why. Let's start with the actual taste and then we can begin apportioning blame. The first bit of saline overload hit me with the first bite of the cheese pizza, taken at the very tip (the importance of this will become clear). I couldn't tell if the salt was coming from the cheese or the sauce, but it was suppressing the tang the tomatoes were trying to contribute, and annihilated the sweetness of copious mozzarella ooze. After three bites, I was gulping down the water from my stryofoam cup, and running down the hall to the cooler to refill it.
What a Pretzel Isn't
As you may now be guessing, all that salt probably came from the salted pretzel crust on the rim of the pizza, and cascaded down onto the rest of the pie. It's a shame because Pizza Hut's pretzel crust hasn't always been this way. I've had it a couple times before and on earlier occasions there seemed to be more of a serious attempt to tweak the dough so that it truly had that smooth brown pretzel texture and just a smattering of salt. Now they've just browned the crust a bit more than usual and coated it with loads of salt. And so a noble attempt has been ruined, a venerable brand sullied.
Conclusions
The salt-induced ruin aside, Pizza Hut's Pan Pizza is still solidly constructed. The cheese is plentiful, the toppings are fresh (though Papa's sausage is much more boldly spiced) and it's got the satisfying heft that you only get from a pan pizza. As J.N. writes "It was fairly classic Pizza Hut pan pizza, with the deliciously oily golden pan crust. [But] there was absolutely no zest or tanginess to the sauce, maybe just because there was very little sauce at all. In addition, the salty pretzel crust was inedibly salty, to me." So yes, avoid the salted pretzel crust at all costs and don't expect the "premium crushed tomato" sauce to taste any fresher than the standard-issue paste-based sauces that most chains offer.
Numerical Score: 5 (Opening kick return for a touchdown, followed by a safety and four turnovers in the red zone)
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Before we begin our review in earnest, a note about pricing. Take-out specials are proliferating in the industry right now and, unless cost is of no concern to you, you'd be foolish not to take advantage of them. The Papa John's new Pan Pizza reviewed yesterday arrived by way of a delivery driver because the closest Papa John's to The Food Kingdom studios was over 6 miles away and I didn't want to invest that amount of driving time nor allow the pizza that much time to cool off in transit. But we paid a hefty price for that convenience. The base price of that pizza, absent any special offers was $15.60, but the $3 delivery fee plus a $4 tip and tax brought the total to $23.75. Today's pie, Pizza Hut's classic pan with the special salted pretzel crust comes to less than half that amount, totalling $10.60 when taking advantage of their $10 take-out special. So we recommend calibrating your ordering time such that the pizza can be ready 15 minutes before kickoff and picking an intrepid driving volunteer to head out to any location within reasonable distance. Give 'em a few free beers (after they return!) or exempt them from paying altogether and you'll still come out way ahead cost-wise.
Take-Out Driver Duty: The Excitement and the Terror
Given that our $10 pizza would have cost us at least $7 more had we opted for delivery, I was brimming with satisfaction as I set out on the 1.5 mile drive to the local Hut. However, the glee of the discount soon faded as the logistical difficulties of arriving at the site at the precise moment that the pizza left the oven became apparent. Unless you want to take even more than 30 minutes out of your day and lounge in the waiting area tapping your foot and annoying the staff, you'll want to time things out so you arrive just as the pizza finishes cooking, certainly not later, but not excessively early. This would be simple but for the vagaries imposed by unpredictable traffic lights that can throw your arrival time off by as many as five minutes. This time, the trip there went off without a hitch, but the return trip saw me hitting every red light, each one robbing precious units of heat from the vulnerable pie, protected only by an uninsulated cardboard box. Counterpoint: unless you're a bit more relaxed than I am, you may enjoy paying a little extra to let the professionals give your pizza the best chance of arriving piping hot.
 |
| The promised land! And then the frantic U-turns and other possible moving violations began. |
Unless we order online, we may not always be aware of how much customization is available in these chain pizzas. In order to set up a contrast with Papa John's new pizza from yesterday, we decided to revisit Pizza Hut's classic pan pizza but also implement some changes. Pizza Hut actually offers five different sauces: Marinara (the default), Premium Crushed Tomato, Creamy Garlic Parmesan, Barbecue, and Buffalo -- and six crust types: "No Crust Flavor" (is that the default?), Hut Favorite, Toasted Parmesan, Salted Pretzel, Toasted Cheddar, and Garlic Buttery Blend. We figured we'd add some excitement with the "Premium Crushed Tomato", which seemed to promise some real tomato chunks or at least bits, and Salted Pretzel, which I hoped would make every bite of crust worth finishing on its own. I also attempted to get one half of the pizza spread with the crushed tomato and the other half with marinara so we could contrast the two, but this was a bit too much for the Hut and their response to our online request was to simply give us a big plastic cup of Marinara on the side.
Come Hungry, Finish Thirsty
Four paragraphs in, and it's time to taste the pizza. This could get a little repetitive, because every other word, overwhelming any other verdict, must be salt. This is some salty pizza, though it may be impossible to say exactly why. Let's start with the actual taste and then we can begin apportioning blame. The first bit of saline overload hit me with the first bite of the cheese pizza, taken at the very tip (the importance of this will become clear). I couldn't tell if the salt was coming from the cheese or the sauce, but it was suppressing the tang the tomatoes were trying to contribute, and annihilated the sweetness of copious mozzarella ooze. After three bites, I was gulping down the water from my stryofoam cup, and running down the hall to the cooler to refill it.
 |
| In some ways, this $10 pie recalled Pizza Hut's glory days: a thick layer of cheese studded with big nuggets of sausage and fresh peppers and mushrooms kissed with dairy grease. But the party was ruined by the salt crystals hanging around on the "pretzel" rim. |
As you may now be guessing, all that salt probably came from the salted pretzel crust on the rim of the pizza, and cascaded down onto the rest of the pie. It's a shame because Pizza Hut's pretzel crust hasn't always been this way. I've had it a couple times before and on earlier occasions there seemed to be more of a serious attempt to tweak the dough so that it truly had that smooth brown pretzel texture and just a smattering of salt. Now they've just browned the crust a bit more than usual and coated it with loads of salt. And so a noble attempt has been ruined, a venerable brand sullied.
 |
| The damning evidence: coarse salt migrating from the rim of the pizza onto the toppings, and perhaps further inward where it melted into the cheese layer. Our tasting certainly indicated as much. |
The salt-induced ruin aside, Pizza Hut's Pan Pizza is still solidly constructed. The cheese is plentiful, the toppings are fresh (though Papa's sausage is much more boldly spiced) and it's got the satisfying heft that you only get from a pan pizza. As J.N. writes "It was fairly classic Pizza Hut pan pizza, with the deliciously oily golden pan crust. [But] there was absolutely no zest or tanginess to the sauce, maybe just because there was very little sauce at all. In addition, the salty pretzel crust was inedibly salty, to me." So yes, avoid the salted pretzel crust at all costs and don't expect the "premium crushed tomato" sauce to taste any fresher than the standard-issue paste-based sauces that most chains offer.
Numerical Score: 5 (Opening kick return for a touchdown, followed by a safety and four turnovers in the red zone)
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